Celebrities always order food which is not on the menu, and restaurants serve them anything they want. Lee Frank discovers what celebs eat and where- and goes to see if restaurants will suck-up to the rest of us when we order the same things. This true investigative report took place in New York City.

Restaurant: Tattoo

Celebrity: Ivana Trump

Orders: egg white omelet with vegetables and mushrooms

Me: "So, can I sit anywhere?"

Waiter: "It's 2:30 in the morning, Sir. We're closing. I'm going home."

Me: "I demand to speak with the maitre d'."

Maitre d': "You can have some left-over birthday cake. The kitchen closed an hour ago. Anyway, we don't serve omelets."

Me: "You opened your kitchen for Ivana and Beverly Johnson when they came in, same time. And you served them egg white omelets with vegetables and mushrooms."

Waiter: "How did you know that?"

Me: (I cut the crap, then smush it right back together, again) "Ivana told me."

Maitre d': "Have you been drinking? "

Me: "I just want to be clear. How famous do I have to be to get the egg white with vegetables and mushrooms omelet? Do I have to have a messy divorce from a rich guy? Do I have to write a trashy book? Is it me you hate personally, or just what I stand for?"

Maitre d': "Security!"

Restaurant: Wolf's Deli

Celebrity: Peter Falk

Orders: free sample of goulash

Me: "The goulash or the corned beef..." (equivocating) "I don't know which one...the goulash or the corned beef..."

Waitress: "Well, do you like goulash or corned beef?" (she seems not to catch my drift; do I need to spell it out?)

Me: "Skyooze me maam..." (let it hang there, suspended in mid air like the scent of gherkins...then I move in for the kill) "Just one more thing. Could I taste a sample of the goulash?"

Waitress: "No, they don't do that."

Me: "Oh, yes you do- for Peter Falk. And I don't expect to be treated any differently. Either you serve me a sample of goulash, or you send over the manager."

I never see her again, or the manager.

Restaurant: Sette Mezzo

Celebrity: Donna Karan

Orders: steamed broccoli rabe on penne with slices of garlic and olive oil

Me: "You know a big influence on Donna Karan is Deepak Chopra?"

Waiter: "Non capisce."

Me: "You know Donna says she's experienced seven past lives?"

Waiter: "I know Donna, and she's lucky if she experiences her present one."

Me: "No, the menu isn't necessary. I'll have what Donna has."

They serve it to me. Makes a celebrity wannabe damn near weep. How does it taste? Let's just say some things aren't listed on the menu for a good reason.

Restaurant: Café Tabac

Celebrity: Madonna

Orders: sushi

Waiter: "We do not serve sushi here. You can only order food which is on the menu. Sushi is not on the menu."

Me: "You served Madonna sushi."

Waiter: "You are not Madonna."

Me: "How can I be if you won't even let me eat like her?"


Restaurant: Patsy's

Celebrity: Al Pacino

Orders: Chinese food, whether he's at a Chinese restaurant or not

Me: "I would like a heaping serving of Beef with Oyster Sauce."

Waiter: "Beef a la Barolo?"

Me: "Fine, if it's easier, I'll have the Kung Pao Chicken."

Waiter: "Chicken Cacciatora? We can make for you Chicken Parmigiana. A nice Chicken Francese? Chicken Contadina; whatever you like."

Me: "Hmm... The Wonderful Taste Lover's Crispy Triple Delight."

Waiter: "We are a Neapolitan restaurant. We serve only Neapolitan food."

Me: "Okay, look, you serve Al Pacino Chinese food."

Waiter: "Not me..."

Me: "I know it was you, Fredo."

Waiter: "But my name's not- "

Me: "I don't want to be a problem. I'll just have the Pu Pu Platter, all right?"

Waiters from across the room stare like gaping simians. Patrons crane their necks.

Me: "So, that's how it is? Al Pacino gets whatever he wants. But I get nothing. You're out of order! All you waiters are out of order! You're all out of order!!"

Waiter: (laughs, not with me)

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